My First Unquenched Love...

Bithopi Gogoi | P.C. Anannya Gogoi

The silence still pokes me with thoughts of you.The distance is enough for me to miss you.The ignorance still urges me to love you.Our last eye-contact , the last talk , the last joke blossoms fresh in the pages of my diary.

Whenever I peep into my past, it leaves me mystified.My tears are intertwined with seeds of love and bitterness . With blows that life bestowed on me only to realize  that I had only me at my expense.

The turbulence created of loving someone sincerely have infused me with a deeper understanding - how to perceive the atoms of this endless matter.

For my vulnerable heart, it was the first time.Love had turned me religious then , I remember now how I used to make deals with God praying for his happiness.But amidst all these , I felt a void . I knew somehow that my hankering every moment for acceptance would remain unanswered  . And it turned out as I had thought.

I hoped that it was not true but reality was different. My hopes and aspirations didn't change it a bit .

Hence, I knew I couldn't be waiting like Ratan of Rabindranath Tagore's 'The Postmaster' frame ,who waits for her Dada to take her along with him with false hopes.

The feelings that were to the brim and corked long ago have now been spilling all over and causing mess.Only leaving me to realize there was no Us in between Us , there was only me.  

My principles summon me to ignore you but that doesn't stop me to love you.The realization of my inner self that how can I love  someone so deeply,how can I be true to someone in spite of the fact that the underlying truth between us was so heart wrenching for me,how can I still invite the  painful arrows to strike me with  gleaming smile .

Thanks for making me aware of the fact that I am excellent in the art of LOVING.Once cocooned ignorant  love of mine got  a chance to blossom in the spring at it's best in spite of the blunders made by our weather.