"Why Do People Die,Aita?"

JAHNOBI GOGOI

[aita = paternal grandma]

In the backyard,while her mom was busy preparing lunch , aita and Luna sat watching over their poultry feast on broken rice grains.Yesterday, the wicked cat,Richard, of the neighbors had jabbed two of aita's finest hens but thanks to Luna there was no grave damage.They could save one of the hens and had a wholesome meal out of  the other.

While Luna made a swing out of aita's petticoat, swinging in between her legs , aita continued knitting a yellow sweater for Luna . It took aita sometime but she noticed Luna wasn't her normal chirpy self.

"What is it , Luna?" Without even lifting her eyes , she exclaimed , "Why do people die,aita?" Aita was amused to see her little princess engulfed in the most intricate mystery of nature-WHY DO PEOPLE DIE?

She kept knitting while she tried to compose a befitting answer to Luna's query.Luna had just witnessed the death ceremony of uncle Mohan few days ago and it had left great impact on her mind.She knew now that people die and when they do so,they don't come back, they become stars. Everything was okay until now , but she started questioning why does it happen ! The more she thought,the more it saddened her.

"Luna , do you remember visiting uncle Mohan when he was sick ?" Luna meekly nodded . "Do you remember how many needles he was pricked with ? He was in so much pain and so God decided to give some relief.Uncle Mohan feels no pain now."

"Aita , how many injections it takes to die ?"-Luna was mentally calculating the number of times she was vaccinated.

"Well,Luna God will decide the number.He knows how much pain you can endure!"

"So,you too would die,aita?" Aita was hesitant but neither-less she replied, "Yes , someday but not before I teach you how to braid your hair yourself."

Luna was hurt , she had never imagined her aita would leave her and go.With sorrow in her voice Luna asked,"Who would sing me to sleep then?Who would tell me stories of the mighty Pandavas ? With whom will I share my cotton candies? And mind you aita,you won't find anyone better than me to massage pain relief oil on your calves.You surely would miss me !"

With misty eyes aita replied,"Luna baby,I would be gone for a while but I would be watching over you always.I would make sure that no one messes with my darling.And when time is right I will return with a new body !"

Luna's eyes lit up with excitment ,"A new body?"

"Yes,a new body" then aita quoted from the Bhagavad Gita , 'These bodies are perishable ,the dwellers in these bodies are eternal ,indestructable and impenetrable .' As aita went on explaining,Luna's happiness knew no boundaries...

"Will you be my baby , aita?" to which aita replied ,"Only if you tell me bed-time stories, Luna."

DEAL Luna shouted out load....

A page from my diary

[ He visited me again]

JAHNABI GOGOI

He came to visit me once again without even knowing he did , in my dreams . Sometimes , I do wonder , have I ever visited him in his dreams .

Has been years now but my conscious , sub-conscious and unconscious mind fail to register that he was "the road not taken ." My one and only school time crush , it started way back in those days when hormones played no role .

KG II when we were made to sit together by our class teacher . I used to tell him , "You know , why we are made to sit together , we ought to marry each other someday !"

Like any typical 4 yr old he did what he was supposed to , he told his mummy . I was furious then how feeble , couldn't even hold a secret . Of course , she dismissed it as a joke .

With each and every year my fondness for him grew. Probably he never had any clue and will never have any clue . Since it has been years I haven't seen him . I sat on my own little secret , because I didn't want anyone to dismiss it again as a joke . I might have been 4 then but I loved him with utmost sincerity.For a 4 year old it was a pretty serious life crisis .

Each and every accolade he won , made me proud . If anyone was mean to him , I felt like crushing that anyone's sulk (#WWE fan) . I was hopelessly "in love" with him and he never knew . I should probably be awarded with some sort SECRET KEEPER'S prize if it does exist .

I remember in class VI we were seated together during Hindi class , I literally had butterflies in my tummy . It was really hard to keep my feelings submerged in me . Even now when I think about it I get goose-bumps  . KG II played itself all over again and yes we did talk. He even teased me quoting my exact words-
"You know , why we are made to sit together , we ought to marry each other someday !"

Without any question I was embarrassed at the abrupt mention of the epic past episode but there was no boundaries to my happiness when I realized that he remembered what I said him years back .

Then school life flew in a jiffy . We were escorted out of the school gate with a pompous farewell held in our honor .  I assumed that was our last meet until...

There are many more incidents with him bombarding me now when  I patiently try to type a decent write-up in his honor without slipping out his identity . There is fair chance of my note never reaching him . But he would always be alive in me , my writings , my dreams (no control over them) .

There are times when I wonder what would have been his answer if I had confessed my feelings for him .

I did think that I had out-grown him after all these years but I was wrong , last year while I was travelling back to Guwahati via train , we met . I stood startled and made the situation awkward when I couldn't greet him back . I fell short of words .

Awe-struck by how he looked now ; awe-struck he remembered me (I knew he would though ) ; awe-struck we met . Last year ,2016. 

Lines of Fate...

JAHNABI GOGOI

Board exams were knocking at the door. Pre-boards' scores weren't good enough.Paroma's parents were concerned about her.Everyone around the Bakshi famil were trying to talking some sense into her. Some tried to reason out why she wouldn't or couldn't score well and some tried to motivate her that even if she starts studying now  she would make it. Such episode of wisdom did push her to sit on the table but not for long . She was trying so hard but she lacked motivation .So, many more events like these led to this particular one.

Paroma's mom was so stressed,she couldn't even sleep properly .After consulting many of her friends and relatives ,Kaveri, her distant cousin came to her rescue. She suggested Paroma's mom to meet her family palmist.Then in no time , appointments were booked and they were good to go.Being concerned  does cost your sanity sometimes.

He, Kaveri Masi's family palmist ,was an old man in his late 70s,he wore a white kurta and pyjama.He gestured them to join him on the floor while he sat cross legged reading some worn out books on palmistry.With fore-head neat decorated with lines of ash and vermillion , he looked good for his age.When they settled down he held Paroma's hands into his.Paroma was scared to hurt those cold feeble wrinkled hands.While she sat there she experienced an awkward calmness in the environment.She started observing the things and people around her.

Paroma could bear sitting in this posture for hours for her family but what she couldn't bear was the hollow look of her parents.She was sad about what things had turned into,how her parents were begging for her good future.What she saw in their eyes wasn't love for her but the fear for her future.She was determined to change.

While she was done with her observations ,the old man slowly muttered his first few words during their hour long stay,"Her planets aren't working in her favour , there would be some problem!"

His verdict didn't bother her any way .She got the closure she wanted. She was tired hearing all those scrutinizing comments on her failures .She would take it no more.

After they reached home, she sat on her table and rest is history.

My First Unquenched Love...

Bithopi Gogoi | P.C. Anannya Gogoi

The silence still pokes me with thoughts of you.The distance is enough for me to miss you.The ignorance still urges me to love you.Our last eye-contact , the last talk , the last joke blossoms fresh in the pages of my diary.

Whenever I peep into my past, it leaves me mystified.My tears are intertwined with seeds of love and bitterness . With blows that life bestowed on me only to realize  that I had only me at my expense.

The turbulence created of loving someone sincerely have infused me with a deeper understanding - how to perceive the atoms of this endless matter.

For my vulnerable heart, it was the first time.Love had turned me religious then , I remember now how I used to make deals with God praying for his happiness.But amidst all these , I felt a void . I knew somehow that my hankering every moment for acceptance would remain unanswered  . And it turned out as I had thought.

I hoped that it was not true but reality was different. My hopes and aspirations didn't change it a bit .

Hence, I knew I couldn't be waiting like Ratan of Rabindranath Tagore's 'The Postmaster' frame ,who waits for her Dada to take her along with him with false hopes.

The feelings that were to the brim and corked long ago have now been spilling all over and causing mess.Only leaving me to realize there was no Us in between Us , there was only me.  

My principles summon me to ignore you but that doesn't stop me to love you.The realization of my inner self that how can I love  someone so deeply,how can I be true to someone in spite of the fact that the underlying truth between us was so heart wrenching for me,how can I still invite the  painful arrows to strike me with  gleaming smile .

Thanks for making me aware of the fact that I am excellent in the art of LOVING.Once cocooned ignorant  love of mine got  a chance to blossom in the spring at it's best in spite of the blunders made by our weather.

In Search of the Unknown...

Jahnabi Gogoi | Art Work - Agniv Chakraborty

Every single day is a treasure hunt in this house ever since we have moved in.The previous owners weren't careful enough with their belongings or might be they just choose not to carry their past up their sleeves any longer .

I don't know about Alka , I was enjoying it all. My father had bought this place for me as a birthday gift. It was my decision to renovate this house from scratch that is the reason why I didn't allow anyone touch the place . After all it's a dream chore to design your own space for an architect . Alka , my best friend ,who is also an architect had step in to help me.

When Alka and I first started clearing up the space.We weren't expecting such a fascinating twist to our own little adventure.

A dozen of letters , a box full of guitar picks with thoughts inscribed on them , some journals that could be barely read - that is all we found in the basement.Why would someone leave back a part of their soul for others to find...From the letters we could make out , they were written by a guy , he had probably seen a lot of hardship in his life but his sheer determination to make the best out of every moment was commendable . How wonderfully, he had depicted about the girl he was betrothed to ,who later on left him at the altar. He had no hatred for her . His tears had wet the journal when his nana left this world . He preserved the wrinkled face of his dead nana with the warmth of his hands. These hands have grown giving burial to loved ones. First his parents at the age of 6 then Danny, his German Shepherd , when he was 21 and finally nana at 26 . Life was unfair yet he didn't stop living . He didn't stop learning , even if he wasn't musically sound he had picked his dad's guitar to honor his memory.He wore his mom's engagement ring in his chain dangling around his neck with hopes that he would profess his love one day with that gem in his hand to the girl who would accept him with his baggages . When nana,his last solace ,was suffering of cancer he dwelt in silent prayers . He blamed himself for her state and seeked forgiveness from God , if he had ever wronged Him.

How could he be so much in touch with his emotions (manliness is against showing emotions or crying in general;might be he only showed his emotions in his writings or didn't care enough about how others reacted towards him show-casing his feelings;kudos to a man like him ), is he there for real! I read his letters and journals over and over . I admired him more every time I did it. I didn't mean to but I started to feel for him.My heart lamented for his loss . I wanted to caress his hair and say, "Everything will be alright." I kissed his tear soaked letters and journal because I knew how much they meant to him . How sensitive and forgiving he was,to not question the love of his life for tarnishing his name at their altar . I felt for him so much . His each and every word were moving mountains down my heart without his knowledge . With every new find I was diving deeper and closer to knowing him.The mystery was hypnotizing me . I awaited to be drown in the waves of mystery,wondering how he looked like , what he is like , where is he now...

I started looking for him. Hoping to meet him one day and tell him,what a wonderful human being,he is.Tell him that I admired his vulnerability , it didn't make him small.Tell him that the person whose possessions were under my protection had won my heart . Tell him that I felt like he was the missing piece of my jigsaw puzzle . The longer I thought about him , deeper I fell in his love . I had to meet him for sure  for I was no longer in search of the unknown but in love with the unknown...

Outwitted

Jahnabi Gogoi | P.C. Anannya Gogoi

"Was he following you even today?" - for Shruti my life had taken an U-turn from a boring black and white movie with no subtitles to a Bollywood masala blockbuster. It's been two weeks now since when this guy have been following me. Each day it gets goofier and creepier. I have to warn him but I didn't know how to ward him off if I tell him blankly and my words might hurt his so-called ego then...

It was frustrating how I would make a plan in my mind and shrug it off anticipating the different reaction, I could get. Shruti, my roommate wasn't of much use. She did suggest to file a police complaint but it could jeopardize my whole career. I had fought with my parents to work here and if they get to know they would drag me home.I also didn't want to involve Suresh into this matter. Suresh was Shruti's friend who had a thing for me. He also happened to be my boss. If I tell him, I know he would accommodate me with a vehicle. But if I involve him, it would surely give him wrong vibes. I wasn't sure about him and me. If I seek help from Suresh, it would trap me into a pathetic situation.

I wish I had more friends here.Big, dangerous words like ACID-ATTACK, KIDNAPPING, RAPE, MURDER roamed around my mind. Investigation Discovery was taking toll on my thought process.

I save a Demi Lovato video on TV and I got an idea. "Shruti, let's go and have an ice-cream! " Shruti was taken by surprise at the sudden outburst of my enthusiasm for ice-cream in between of nowhere, I hated having ice-creams(dental problem) and Shruti loved them. Shruti - "Are you sure?""Of course" - Me. We walked out of the apartment. Baskin Robbins was two blocks away from our place. So, we decided to walk.

As expected that jerk was still there. I guess he had no other work then follow and wait for me. Life was harsh(read as boring) for this douche bag.While we were walking from the ice-cream parlour. "Shruti, is he still there?"

With her mouth stuffed with ice-cream, she nodded yes. "Is he looking at us?" She nodded yes once again.

I pulled her towards me cupped her face and smooched her. When I let her loose, I could see him running madly. Shruti stood there ice cold. I winked at her and said, "for my sake." "You... selfish..."

She chased me to our apartment. When we were exhausted with our pillow fight, we laughed. Laughed a lot.. laughed our hearts out."Mom calling" - My cellphone started to vibrate vigorously."ssh-shh!! its mom." I hushed Shruti"Hello" - Me

"Sanjana, are you lesbian?"Mom was crying, I could make out.

"What?" - Me

"Don't lie Sanjana, Rajiv told us." Mom replied.

Me - "Mom, who is this Rajiv now?"

Mom - "We had employed Rajiv to keep an eye on you, we were worried. Please tell me that you're straight..."

I did out-wit myself this time. Took me hours to make my mom understand that I was straight.

Letters To My Dorm Sisters

Jahnabi Gogoi | P.C. Anannya Gogoi

I'm in my college canteen with my notepad scribbling this and that; here and there. It seems like yesterday, do you remember ? How close - knit we were ? Knocking each others' door and shouting out at the top of our lungs in the morning to getup and get ready for classes - We had each others' back.

Walking to the bus stop. Attending morning classes and running to the canteen to satisfy our gluttony in the recess. Though the taste wasn't good at all but you all made it tastier.

Sorry, I haven't been able to catch up with you these days. Blame it on my laziness. But you all are always alive and fresh in my mind.

We don't talk much now-a-days but I promise I would try harder to cross this social media barrier and meet you in person.

Meet you soon Sisters!